7 Reasons Why You Haven't Yet Found Your Purpose
Ah, purpose! It sounds so grand and glowy, doesn’t it? We like to think of life purpose as a guiding star that will magically illuminate the perfect path for us to walk upon.
But finding our purpose is rarely straightforward, and sometimes life itself seems determined to keep it just out of reach. So if you're still searching, know you're not alone.
Here are 7 reasons for me that purpose seemed to elude me for many years, and my theories on why that’s totally okay.
1. Loved Ones Got in the Way—Especially That Love Partner and Those Kids
Life is a whirlwind! Maybe your 20s and 30s were all about nailing that career, raising a family, or simply keeping your head above water in a sea of adult responsibilities. We spend so much time supporting others that we forget to look inward. I’ve been there myself, holding space for my loved ones and managing important details for their success while my own dreams were packed away like some kind of “someday” memento.
Other times the hunt for our purpose takes a backseat, simply because we’re trying to get through the basics of survival. And that’s okay. You haven’t missed out. You’re just taking a different road, and you're right on track.
2. You Were Busy Being a Good Girl
Society and its lovely scripts! From a young age, we’re given a role to play: be polite, be smart, be successful (but not too ambitious). And so, we try to fit ourselves into neat little boxes, seeking approval and applause from the world.
Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Sometimes, we look for validation in places that cloud our inner compass, and suddenly we’re so busy trying to meet everyone else’s expectations that our own desires get lost in the noise.
I spent years following my “good girl” script, excelling at work, keeping things polished, and chasing ideals that weren’t even mine. I can tell you it's not worth it in the end. Today I may be less perfect, but I'm so much more embodied, happy, and and in love with my life.
If you’re still waiting for your own starring role, it might just be time to tear up the good girl script (or the bad girl script for some of you 😜) and step into the spotlight for your true authentic self. That’s been yours all along.
3. Identity Evolution (a.k.a., You’re Still Figuring Out Who You Are)
Ah, the lovely chaos of our 40s (or for some of us astrologically, our late 30s, and early 50s). It’s a period of shedding old skin and sometimes realizing that everything we once thought we wanted just doesn’t feel right anymore. This season of life is filled with change, and as you get to know the “you” that you are now, the quest for that big purpose may take a backseat. And it should.
This time of identity evolution is as important as finding the purpose itself. In fact, it’s essential. So if you’re pausing, don’t worry, you’re simply giving yourself the grace to get reacquainted with you. Sometimes the path to purpose involves falling in love with who you’ve become, all over again.
4. You Weren't Given a Map for This Journey
Wouldn’t it be nice if we were handed a life map at birth, clearly labeled with a destination marked “Your Purpose Here?" But alas, that’s not how it works. Most of us aren’t taught how to even think about purpose, much less find it. Maybe we looked for it in our careers, our relationships, or the places that society promised it would be, but came up short.
I remember the years I spent trying to “figure it out,” jumping from one opportunity to another, hoping I’d stumble across some inner epiphany. So if you’re still searching for Life Purpose, just know you’re doing it right. The map is something we create as we go, guided by experiences that help us grow and evolve along the way.
So if you’re still searching for Life Purpose, just know you’re doing it right. The map is something we create as we go, guided by experiences that help us grow and evolve along the way.
5. You Were Afraid of What You’d Find if You Started Looking
Let’s be real: the search for purpose is no gentle stroll through a sunlit meadow. Sometimes we avoid it because we’re afraid of what we’ll discover. What if that deeper calling means shaking things up or stepping out of our comfort zones? What if it means letting go of people we love?
Change can be scary, and the risk of finding something that challenges our current life can be enough to keep us from looking at all.
I remember hesitating to dig deep at one point because I feared it would mean leaving behind people and places that were comfortable and familiar.
...But purpose is meant to call you forward. Trust that whatever you find will expand your life, not diminish it.
6. Exploration Pause: The Whirlwind of Life Stalled Your Journey
When life becomes a blur of to-do lists, deadlines, and caretaking, our personal journeys tend to get buried. I mean, how are we supposed to search for a grand, life-altering purpose when we’re already stretched thin? Sometimes, the grind becomes our purpose by default. We get caught in survival mode, or we’re simply waiting for “the right time.”
Whether it was lack of resources, knowledge, or even an emotional roadblock that stalled you, give yourself grace. It’s all part of the process, and the fact that you’re here, reading this, shows you’re still reaching for that deeper meaning.
7. Fear of Success—Yes, Really
One of the biggest reasons we avoid discovering our purpose is a sneaky little thing called fear of success. What if your true calling pulls you in a direction that shifts your whole world? What if it separates you from people who don’t understand, or asks you to leave behind familiar routines and comforts? Or conversely, What if you're embraced for your abilities and you become overwhelmed and feel you "can't live up to the hype?"
I know the feeling of holding back, afraid that a deeper truth might take me into new territory that I can't handle. But here’s what I’ve come to realize: life purpose will never truly isolate us; it refines us by moving us more deeply into directions that our soul can ultimately thrive in.
True purpose is an invitation to step fully into yourself while honoring everything you hold dear. Sometimes a new job, or a new experience will take you temporarily away from what you've come to love, but there are new opportunities to connect and be loved everyday.
So, What Should You Do Now?
Here’s the beautiful thing: your brain may not know, but your heart already knows for sure. It may just need a little bit of calibration. I like to think of the heart as a compass. At first, it wobbles, spinning in every direction, unsure of where to land, and which direction to point us in. But over time, with each experience we have and each exploration we take, it gathers intelligence and learns to point us towards our true north.
If you want to find your purpose, begin by exploring the simple things that bring you delight, and that allow your heart to expand. Try on different hats (both real hats, and metaphorical roles in life). Say yes to new experiences, and let yourself be surprised.
Each time you follow that inner pull, you’re setting the parameters of your “heart compass.”
Bit by bit, you’re fine-tuning your understanding of what truly moves you and what doesn’t. And when your heart compass is set, it will lead you naturally toward the path meant just for you.
This may seem a bit abstract if this is your first time being exposed to this philosophy, but we truly find our life purpose when we begin to live each moment with intention, essentially living on purpose. As we learn to trust within, the pathway lights up clear as the bat signal in a Batman comic book.
An Exercise to Awaken Your Heart Compass
Gather a journal, and welcome in Reiki life force energy by saying out loud:
"I welcome universal life force energy. I welcome the blessings of light, and the loving connection I have with all things on this beautiful planet. Just for today, I put aside my anger, let go of my worries, and remember how thankful and grateful I am for ___. I Focus my intentions into tending my heart, with kindness and love..."
Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out. Begin to let go of this moment...
...Picture yourself one year from now, having explored and tried all the things that currently call to you...
... Imagine where each of those paths could take you...
...How do you feel?
...What blessed events happen that help it to all work out?...
...What images come to mind?...
When you feel full, open up your journal and begin to free-write. Write down anything that feels like it could be your purpose, even if it seems too big, too different, or too far away. Let yourself dream.
If You’re Ready to Find Direction, Let’s Work Together
Purpose is an incredible journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. If you’re ready to dive deeper into your life’s direction, let’s connect. Together, we can tune into your heart compass and clear the path to the life you’re meant to lead. Book a discovery call, and let’s start the journey to your true north.
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